A Dickens Christmas Letter

Welcome to the annual Dickens Christmas update! I hope this letter finds you and your family doing well this holiday season. In the interest of saving trees and time this year, I decided my blog would be the best place to share what is happening in our little part of the world.

Usually writing comes fairly easy to me, but I must admit I struggle with my Christmas letter. I find it extremely hard to neatly summarize a year's worth of life. In any given year we of course have our share of ups but also our share of downs. There is also a lot of chaos but also a lot of calm. How do I take all of that and sum it up into one neat little package? I haven't figured it out yet, but if anyone ever does, please let me in on the secret. In the meantime, I have decided to do the best I can.....

This year was that typical year I described - a huge helping of chaos with a side of calm. Jessie's schedule was extremely intense with his third year rotations starting our year off. He was working 80 to 100 hour (at least) weeks. The summer led him to an away rotation in Denver where he spent the month of July. The kids and I stayed in Dallas and pursued numerous traditional summer activities such as summer camps, swim lessons, and being lazy. Jessie can currently be found in almost any airport in the United States as he travels for interviews. Yes, that is correct, we are at the point some might call a "real" job. In a few short months, June 7th to be exact, Jessie will be a full-fledged M.D. We are very excited at finally reaching the goal we have been working towards for the past several years. I am extremely proud of Jessie for all his hard work and smartness.

After years of preparing for medical school and then actually attending medical school, where do we go from here? Our fate will be sealed on March 18th, 2010. This is the date that all fourth year medical students gather and open up their official letter informing them of where they have been selected to go. It is a match system, so we can request certain places but there are no guarantees. Jessie has interviews across the country: Dallas, Fort Worth, San Antonio, Lubbock, Temple, Oklahoma City, Tulsa, Austin, Wichita, Louisville, Lexington, Omaha, Columbus, Wichita, St. Louis, Winston-Salem, Knoxville, Roanoke, Spartenburg, Atlanta, Salt Lake City, Denver, Madison, Little Rock, Birmingham and some cities I have probably missed. If you have any personal information on these places, please send it my way. I would love to hear what it is like to live somewhere else. We have both grown up in Texas, so it is difficult for us to imagine living somewhere else. People ask me where we would like to end up. Part of us wants to stay here but part of us wants to experience something new. We have decided we will just put the decision in God's hands and enjoy the ride.

The interviews have brought a lot of headaches as far as travel nightmares for Jessie and just the sheer organization; however, one good thing has come out of them - a family vacation. It has been a couple of years since our last vacation, so we decided it was time for another one. Jessie had an interview in Salt Lake City before Thanksgiving, so the rest of us tagged along for some skiing. The kids loved skiing and they loved swimming in the heated pool even more. There's nothing like toting 100 pounds of luggage and two kids across the country to have them exclaim that "the pool is the best thing" about the vacation. Last time I checked we have pools here. Oh well, it is the experience and memories - right??

{Warning: Bragging Ahead...}

Ashley is in first grade this year. She loves school and continues to be amazing at reading and math. She also started piano lessons this year and has picked it up very quickly. I have really enjoyed listening to her play Christmas carols on our piano. It has always been my dream to have someone around here play carols for us on Christmas Eve and I think this year is "the year."

In an effort to remedy my lack of childhood athleticism, I enrolled Ashley in soccer this past Spring. This did not go very well. She did not like sweating on warm days and being cold on cooler days. Actually, I found that there was no perfect temperature for her, even if it was a beautiful 78 degrees outside. So, her soccer career quickly ended. Tennis proved to be a much better sport for her, as long as it was played on an indoor court (obviously for the climate control). Dance classes still top her list of favorites. This past year she did an adorable recital routine to "Spoonful of Sugar" from Mary Poppins. We were then fortunate enough to go see the Broadway production of Mary Poppins and Ashley was mesmerized. Finally, she loved learning to ride her bike (without training wheels) this year. After a lot of practice, she is now a great rider. I can't wait for Landen to learn how to ride his big bike, so we can start riding as a family. Ashley continues to be a super sweet, caring and helpful little girl. I feel blessed every day.

Landen is now 3 and continues to be our little wild man. He never stops talking or moving. He loves anything with sports and begs Jessie to play football with him. We were able to sign him up for soccer this fall, which was a lot of fun. His soccer adventure went a little better than Ashley's. Each game Landen would score almost all of the goals for his team. Even his assistant coach (who was a former pro soccer player) told Landen he had "the gift." I thought he was referring to the gift Landen has of pushing my buttons but it turns out he has a "soccer gift." Honestly, I think his coach just had a soft spot for Landen because one day after practice Landen gave him a big hug and thanked him for teaching him soccer. That would be another one of Landen's "gifts" he can be quite the charmer when he wants to be. I think that will take him farther than a soccer gift, but Jessie is still anxiously waiting to see if the "football gift" is going to go anywhere.

Landen also has an amazing "gift" of asking questions. I get all sorts of challenging ones every day like, "What happens if your head freezes?" or "What happens if a fire station is on fire?" He is curious about everything and can never get enough knowledge. Building is still a great hobby of his and he is always helping Jessie with his household projects. Despite all his wildness, Landen is very sweet, helpful and makes us laugh every day.

As for myself, I have once again retired. It turns out there is plenty to do around here....imagine that! Going back to work was a great experience, but it made me appreciate being at home for now. I enjoy the extra time I am getting with Landen and being able to go have lunch with Ashley at school whenever I want. I did manage to complete all my requirements to renew my teaching certificate so I do still see myself teaching (or doing something) in these next couple of years. I just want to wait and see what happens with Jessie's interviews until I commit to anything.

That pretty much sums us up. The Cliffs notes version of the Dickens. Just like Cliffs notes don't live up to a book, my letter does not live up to our year. It feels like a lot is missing - those ups, those downs, the laughter, and of course the tears. It was all there, even if it was missing from the words of my letter. We had it all, so in that respect it was a good year. Now we are ready for our next adventure and are thrilled that each one of you are in our lives to share it with us. We hope you have a blessed holiday season and a wonderful 2010!!

P.S. If you have never visited my blog, feel free to catch up on what we have been doing these past couple of years. If you do read my blog, I hope you enjoy by semi-annual post. Hopefully, this will inspire me to post more often.

HELLO, HELlo, HEllo, Hello, hello........??

In case you are a little confused, my title is an attempt at an echo. I think it lost a little something in translation. The point I am trying to make is - Hello, is anyone out there??? My last post was in March and last I checked it was July. After such a long absence I don't know who would still be reading, but my counter still sends me daily reports of activity. Who are you people? I don't think I know anyone in Zimbabwe, but that is what the statistic report says. Whoever you are, thank you for still reading and standing by me and my skimpy blog posts. Now on to business.

There is too much to write after a long absence, so today I am choosing my favorite blog writing technique, random thoughts by bullet points.......

• Last week I had something very lucky happen to me. I had the chance to see the spread of communicable disease in action. Over the period of three days, I witnessed a stomach bug be passed from one member of my family to the next. Yes, by the third day little A, little man and myself, all contracted the same super fun stomach virus. It was even more fun to be the only adult at home who could clean up the MANY lovely messes made from this bug. People, you can't buy excitement like this, so go on and be jealous.
• In the past two weeks Ashley has lost THREE teeth. She had previously lost two last summer, so we are on a total of five teeth. On this new batch, she pulled out two all by herself and lost the last one tonight while eating corn on the cob (you know, the old fashioned way to pull a tooth, or country way, whichever you prefer. We were in the country eating the cob, so I guess we will go with the country way). In the first incident the tooth fairy only had a 5 dollar bill on her and couldn't leave the house, so little A really raked it in for a 6 year old. After getting the hang of having a little money, she seems to be pulling these teeth out left and right.
• Why are golf carts so much fun? Personally, I love the feeling of wind in your hair and a little speed underneath you. We now have a cart in the family and it is just so much fun. J's parents bought one to drive around their ranch and I could ride in that thing all day. She let the kids drive it this weekend. Just a little scary when your babies ask to take you for a spin.
• Since the previously mentioned grandparents had the children for the night I had some girl time with my friend, Michelle. We went dancing. Now I know why I weighed a little less in college. Every weekend I would go dancing with friends and dance for hours. That is not the way it works anymore. My entire body was sore after a couple of hours and I mean sore. Of course we were dancing to an 80's cover band, hence we were not just dancing but DAAAANCING. It is still a little sad to me when a lady who looks to be my mom's age can dance circles around me on the floor. What happened to my 21 year old boogie down self? Oh yeah, I got lazy.
• Speaking of the big girls night out; just a little note to all of you who hope to get a pedi in Grapevine, TX. It is not going to happen past 4 pm. Apparently, it must be an understood law that all nail salons must close early there. A little disappointing, until I remembered how much you get stepped on when dancing. Good idea to put the pedi on hold.
• There are some great shows on right now. My DVR is overflowing and it feels so good. Some things I am watching (in case you want to be hip like me): So You Think You Can Dance (of course), Tori and Dean Home Sweet Hollywood, Denise Richards' reality show, 18 and Counting, NYC prep, Kathy Griffin's reality show, and Running in Heels (just discovered today on Style network, awesome show about interns at Marie Claire). Yep, it is all reality shows, I figure the regular season is for my quality, scripted shows and the summer is for my trashy, guilty pleasures.
• When did circus tickets get so expensive? I already knew this from going to to the circus with J before we had children. He paid over $100 for out tickets, which I thought was ridiculous at the time but did not even fathom how much two extra people would add on to that amount. I guess I am being a little biased. After all, if you would like to spend $15 per ticket you are more than welcome to sit in a section that I think might be close to the altitude that planes fly at. So, if nosebleeds and lower oxygen intake are not a problem, these would work great. And let's not even get into how much snacks and junky toys are going to cost me. Even with all of this, I am still super excited to go this week.
• Little man is afraid of lifeguards. Just a little something interesting I can file away for future reference. The whistle is what turned the friendly pool helper into an image of terror for the little guy. What is most interesting about this to me is the fact that Landen will blow a whistle in my ear all day long without flinching, but a lifeguard blows a whistle one time while we are at a pool and nightmares ensue. I am seeing a future horror movie from this.
• Speaking of pools - my children can swim now!! (Loud applause please). At the beginning of summer, Little A would scream when we washed her hair, now both kids are swimming under water like fish. I thought it would never happen, thank you , thank you swim lessons.
• Another huge accomplishment this summer - The kids are no longer afraid of dogs (another loud applause may commence). If you know my kids you know that their fear was more pure terror than a little fear, so this is HUGE. As Landen told my neighbor "We are no longer mad at dogs, just a little shy of them."
• And finally one more achievement......drumroll please......Little A is no longer afraid of costumed characters! We have waited for this day for so long. After many agonizing trips to events that involved these creatures we can now attend things breathing a little easier. It was just 6 years in the making, but we are finally past it, I think. Now I can plan our Disney trip with a peace of mind.

So, that is just a little snapshot of our summer. Did I leave you hanging for a little more info - like, "where is J?", "what did he decide to do?", "what camps have the kids been in", I know it is just too much. I guess you will just have to keep checking back and maybe I will have another post, or maybe not.

Happy Birthday My Sweet Little Man!

When do things start seeming real? Time is just passing so quickly for me. I sometimes feel as though I am just flying by my own life and merely waving in the distance. Little man turned 3 today and I am just in disbelief. Of course at many times, these past three years have felt like the longest years of my life, but I blinked and here we are.

Landen continues to have a larger than life personality. It is amazing how much he has grown this past year. My life has suddenly gotten so much easier because he is so much more independent. With that independence also comes that strong-willed personality he has had since he was a baby. The boy came out screaming and he will still let you know exactly what his feelings are at any time or place. He is also still extremely loving and sweet. He hugs and kisses on all of us all the time. Just the other day I hit my elbow on something and yelled "Ouch!" he ran over hugged me and asked "are you ok Mommy?" He had such a tone of empathy and sweetness it made me feel instantly ok. When our fish died a couple of weeks ago Ashley started crying and again he ran over to her. He started hugging on her and said, "It is ok Ashley, I am here for you." I am not making that up or embellishing the story. He really said exactly that. I couldn't believe it and my tears started rolling. Not over the silly fish, but over my little boy getting to be so big.

He also continues to be a clown and makes us laugh all the time. At school he is also quite the personality. He loves all of his friends and his teacher has told me that all the kids claim him as their "favorite" friend. Today for his birthday he told me that all of his friends gave him a birthday hug and he just beamed. Well, I could obviously go on and on about my baby boy, he is truly one of the loves of my life and I am so lucky to have him (wildness and all).

Last year in his special birthday post I listed his favorite things. As I read over the list I was a little shocked at how much he has stayed the same in some of his likes, but I thought it would be fun to do the list again. As my mommy memory disintegrates daily, I need these yearly reminders.

Favorite color: Last year he was a pink and purple man, he has moved on to green. I think J is very happy about this.

Favorite food: Nuggets and french fries. If a restaurant does not have these items he will loudly proclaim his displeasure. Luckily, he will eat the "all veggie" nuggets at home, so at least I can fool him into healthiness sometimes. He also loves oranges, hot dogs, muffins, cinnamon rolls, donuts and anything sweet. Eating is still not his strong point. He will literally go two or three days without eating anything.

Favorite Drink: Sadly, if he had a choice it would be Dr. Pepper. He may not look a thing like me, but he obviously inherited my fine taste in beverages.

Favorite toys: He loves trains, cars and trucks. Playing on the computer is also a big thing for him to do. He also loves drawing, doing play-doh, cutting paper, building with Legos and taking things apart.

Favorite parent: Last year it was Daddy, this year it is me. That's right ME! My brainwashing worked.

Favorite books: He has two books in particular that he loves, a train book and a fire truck book. I can't stand either one of them because it is just a bunch of pictures labeled and he insists on telling me each one. It is torture after reading it a thousand times (at least!)

Favorite movie/tv show: He watches tv this year, which is a big thing for him. The only thing he asks to watch is Caillou but he will watch most things that Ashley watches.

Favorite household chore: Ok, so he doesn't really have a favorite one, he likes them all. He is my neat freak, which is just fine with me. He hates things to be messy, out of place or dirty.

He is still about as "all-boy" as you can possibly ask for. He is really into sports right now and told me the other day that he wants to be a "sportsman" when he grows up. I asked what that is and he said "I would play football, soccer, baseball, golf, basketball and hockey every day all day."

Another Day

I really appreciate all of you that write and tell me you miss my silly stories. I do plan to get back into my blog as school starts slowing down. As many of you may know I will not be returning to preschool teaching after this school year. I have enjoyed teaching but found that having a job really interferes with my blogging time and that can not continue.

So, what brings me back to my good ol' blog today? First of all, I changed my background and was forced to look at my outdated post. I got tired of drooling at some other friends' cute blog backgrounds and finally changed mine. I also decided to return to my blog's original name of "BonBons and BooBoos." I grew tired of the other title (again!) and it won't fit our lives for much longer. J finishes his third year in just a couple of months. Hallelujah! l also figure my life is better reflected with a combo of sweet things and sour things these days, hence the reason for my original title, BonBons and BooBoos.

Right now we are on the sweet side of things around here. A little something sweet called Spring Break. Until this year I actually found Spring Break to be more on the sour side. In the past it meant an entire week without planned activities or school for the children, but this year I benefit from some time off too so, it is definitely sweet. The odd thing is, I have managed to fill up virtually every minute with some sort of something. Even with maintaining our hectic life, I am still enjoying not having to have little A at school by 7:30. Yes people you read that correctly, 7:30. If you think you have a hard time making it to preschool by 9, just wait.

In other news, little A has started soccer and most likely will be stopping soccer come the end of the season. I knew she probably wouldn't like it but I want her to try things. I never tried new things as a kid and really regret it now as an adult. Little A is lot like me as a child. "Diva" comes to mind. She told me the following after practice a couple of weeks ago:

(mind you the temperature outside was a mere 80 this night of practice)

Little A: "It was too hot out there, I was sweating. I hate sweating. I hate being too cold, I hate being too hot. I want to be just perfect and when I have to play soccer I don't feel perfect."

She is also not very aggressive, and some of these girls have obviously had professional training at pushing other kids around. Bottom line, soccer is not the sport for her. We will continue to stick with dance and piano both of which she loves.

Little man continues to charm and frustrate me on a minute by minute basis. He is really excited to be starting soccer himself come this summer. He will also be turning three next week. No more toddlers around here, which makes me a little sad but a whole lot more happy. I do best with the preschool to 4th grade age. I am already dreading that post-fourth grade period.

As for me and the hubby, we are moving right along. J decided he did not have enough of the two months of surgery he just finished, so did another month of surgery elective. We are hoping this gives him a better perspective on picking a specialty in two weeks. Surgery is a brutal schedule. He wakes up every day around 4:30 am to be at the hospital and ready to round with his residents by 6:00 am. Most nights he gets home around 7:30 to 8 pm. That makes for about a 14 hour "normal day." This does not include his call nights, which vary from each specific surgery specialty. For awhile he took call every third night. That means every other day he would continue to wake up at 4:30 am and then work straight through until about 3 pm the NEXT day. He would then come home, sleep and then be up again at 4:30 am the next day. He also has to work on weekends. Weekends are a little better because he can usually be done by early afternoon, unless he has call which means a full day and a night of a weekend. Basically, you work non-stop with little to no sleep ever. I have no idea how he is functioning.

A lot of people have asked me what he wants to do and what the process looks like from here. I am still a little unsure on all those details. What I do know for sure is he has to pick his specialty now because he has to do an away rotation in his chosen specialty. This gives him a better competitive edge when applying to residency programs. This means he will move away to another city for about a month. Just another one of those fun hurdles in this crazy process. The good news is, he really only has several more real months of school left. Most of fourth year is spent doing electives and interviewing for residencies. That means a lot more time off and a lot less school stress. In

I wish I had a more cohesive post but with my sporadic updates it is hard to do anything else but update. Hopefully, my posts will start coming closer to together. To end on a high note, here are some pictures to enjoy....

My little leprechaun in her green today!

She doesn't like playing soccer but she likes her cute jersey. The name of her team is Rock Stars which I find to be much better than some other team names. Not to name any of them but Hamsters do come to mind.

Her second year to attend the Daddy Daughter Dance. Daddy and Daughter both had the best time.

This post seems to include a lot of stuff about little A but not much about little man. Don't worry he will get his special time next week on his big day. I did want to point out something he is really good at. When J was cleaning out his car a couple of weeks ago little man insisted he vacuum the entire car by himself and he did a good job leaving nothing untouched.

While Landen vacuumed J's car, little A made us some lunch. All on her own doing with absolutely no asking or assistance from me. Notice the half piece of top bread missing. Each person's lunch had this missing. She must be aware of some new trend. These kids are really turning out to be useful.

Progress Report

In case you hadn't noticed, it has been 3 months and 1 day since my last post. I guess I forgot to inform everyone that my blog would be taking a "quarterly" approach to updates. I am sure everyone can be in agreement that the holiday season was a beating, so that is my excuse for November and December. As for January, I don't have a really good excuse but I am currently in the process of renewing my state teaching certificate and need to earn 150 hours of continuing education before my birthday this year. This is something I should have been doing for the past 5 years, but I thought I would just go ahead and cram it in within a few months. So, you can find me doing online courses almost every night. Even though my posts are sporadic, I can be assured that at least my mom is still reading, so I will keep it going.

The next question that begs to be asked is "what has brought you out of hiding?" Simple. A teacher conference. It is hard to imagine that I am attending these things as a parent, but I am on my second "real" conference with Ashley. In these conferences they present a portfolio of all her work and things she has been doing these past few months. Just a few snapshots of a lot of work. I figure if that is good enough for our schools, then that will work for my blog as well. (It also helps that little man was home sick today and I had time to catch up on things). I can just give a few glimpses of our past few months and then we will be caught up. No need for those awkward "let's get reacquainted" games or conversations, just a straight forward replay, a progress report if you will.....

Ashley

Since the teacher conference inspired my blog I figure it is the best way to start my recap. As many of you recall, Little A had a rough start to school. She is now perfectly fine and even conquered her Spirit Rally phobia. The best news came in her academic area. I have known for quite some time that Ashley is an amazing reader. The girl can read my MIL's real estate contracts for crying out loud. I also am quite biased in thinking she is brilliant but of course I am her mom. Now I have some hard facts to back it up. They give all these tests to the kids these days and in her tests she scored at the 3rd grade level in BOTH reading and math. Yes, she is still in kindergarten. The teacher told me she had never seen any kindergartener in all her teaching career (20 plus years of teaching mind you) with scores like Ashley in both areas and who could read like her. They want me to apply for the gifted program next year, which is something they rarely do for kids this age in our school district. Yes, I am shamelessly bragging. Is it probably in bad taste? Maybe, but I figure parents brag about their kids' athletic accomplishments all the time why can't I brag about something that my daughter is good at? So there. I am bragging. I am proud and I don't mind saying it. Now we are just patiently waiting for her to conquer her fear of dressed up characters and we should be good.

Landen

Little man is definitely no longer a baby, he is all little boy. He is fully potty trained now, which is awesome. I finally feel like we are at a good point and I am loving it. He is also very chatty. He does not stop talking and even talks in his sleep. He loves sports and asks me on a daily basis if he is old enough to play football. School is also going well. He loves to tell me all about all his favorite friends and teachers every day. I am also happy to report that he will finally watch tv. While some parents would find this highly inappropriate, I have no shame in jumping for joy. Landen has never watched tv, even for a few seconds. I am not advocating 24 hour tv watching, but there are certain times of the day, like dinner making, when tv is a necessity. With his new attention span, I can now cook dinner without a crazy man underneath me. Hallelujah. His favorite shows are a little odd, Caillou, Berenstain Bears and Wiggles. With the exception of Wiggles, this is probably not your typical 2 year old boy's line up, but he tends to just attach himself to whatever his big sister does.

Jessie

Jessie's eye is stable. He will have to be on his blood thinners for life, but hopefully that will prevent any future clots. The rare condition he has causes clots at any given time and with no warning. The clots could occur anywhere in his body, so we are hopeful the medicine will prevent this from happening. Of course his dreams of being a professional athlete will have to be put on the back burner but he can live through Landen's sports aspirations.

As for school, he is in his surgery rotation right now. This means incredibly hard hours but we are all hanging in there. He has been in emergency surgery and trauma for the past month and now will be in vascular for the next month. The stories he has are pretty incredible and I am still in awe of how he does it. It is getting closer to the time he has to decide on a specialty. This is a difficult decision but I know everything will work out just like the rest of the process has. I can't believe he is almost done with his third year and will be starting fourth year in just a few months.

Me

I am still teaching but have decided to not return in the fall. With everything that has happened it has been a stressful year and I am ready to just take a step back and get things in order. As J starts interviewing for residencies I also want to be available to travel to potential new cities. I actually do like my job, but I am also really looking forward to being done in a few months.

Christmas

We had a great Christmas. It was filled with lots of parties and events. Ashley and I enjoyed going to two adorable events, the Sugar Plum Fairy Tea and the theater production of Madeline's Christmas. J took the little man down to the trains at Northpark one day too. Both kids were excited about anything Christmas this year so it was neat for us to share our special traditions with them. We also had a lot of fun with all the family that came through. We had the Lubbock brothers out in waves and we spend many nights playing our favorite domino game with grandma and gradpa. The best part was all the family time we had. J had three weeks off and the kids and I had two weeks off.

I think that pretty much catches us up. It is amazing how much things change and how much they stay the same in a few months. The kids are growing too quickly, time is passing too quickly and I am just trying to catch my breath and slow things down. With school, J's crazy schedule, piano lessons, dance and soccer starting this week I am thinking that is not going to happen. Stay tuned.....

Kindergarten Propaganda

It looks like the 2008 election frenzy is nearing the end. In the Dickens house we choose to remain silent in our political views. Some couples fight out about money and chores, J and I like to fight politics. We are just really intelligent like that. The real truth is probably closer to the fact that we both like to argue and are stubborn. Whatever the reason, we have banned all political talk from the house barring some major disaster. Despite the silence on all things political little A has apparently picked up an interest in our country's current election.

Last week I picked little A up from school and she was wearing a "I Voted" sticker. I figured they had done a cute little lesson on voting, like we did in my pre-k class today, where they voted on their fave ice cream or color. But not this group. They had actually voted on the president. I asked A who she picked and she proudly said in a loud voice "I voted for Barack Obama." She was very matter of fact and even pronounced it correctly. (This should not be a surprise, Obama is getting all the youngsters.)

Fast forward to this evening... While sitting at the dinner table little A proceeded to have the following conversation with us.

Little A: "Are we going to watch the president election tonight?"
Informed Citizen Mommy: "Of course."
Little A: "I think I want to change my vote from Barack Obama to John McCain."
Informed Citizen Mommy: "Why?"
Little A: "Well, Barack Obama took some money from some people."
Informed Citizen Mommy: "Where did you hear that?"
Little A: "Someone told me who knows what they are talking about."
Informed Citizen Mommy: "Who?"
Little A: "A boy in Mrs. Oliveri's class."

So, there you go. A kindergartner apparently has all the answers and is passing on his info. If you haven't voted yet you might want to consider this. If you are are an Obama fan I am sure I can get another kid to spill their dirt on McCain. Why read the news when the old adage still rings true - everything we need to know we learned in kindergarten.

***In case you are thinking this post indicates I voted for McCain, I will never tell. There might even be indications that I wrote my own candidate in. Whatever the case, we will have a new president soon and change in whatever form it comes in is usually a good thing.

What Obesity Problem??

J has recently finished his family medicine rotation where he got to see all kinds of people. One patient struck me as particularly funny and sad all at the same time. A mother and her approximately 7 year old son were in the office to be seen for some ailment the son had. Apparently, the son was not too fond of being seen by the doctor. After J left he heard the duo walking out to pay. The son was ready for his reward of sitting through a Dr visit and loudly demanded to the mother "YOU OWE ME A PACK OF HOT DOGS NOW!" Yes, you read that correctly -a pack - not one but an entire pack. So, if you other moms are feeling guilty over bribing your kids with small pieces of candy, you may now rest easy that there are in fact worse bribes to be given.

Big Things

I don't know about other moms out there, but I feel a lot of frustration with my kids on a daily basis. I feel like I am constantly trying to remind them how to behave or do things. These days my frustration level is particularly high as I am so exhausted and drained in every way possible. That is why special little things they do, like hugs and giggles, keep me going.

This morning brought me not just a little thing, but a huge thing. Last night, I was so tired I didn't pick anything up and left the house a mess. This is a very rare occurrence since I feel like I can't even think when the house is cluttered. As my alarm went off this morning, I was slow to get out of bed and heard the kids in the game room talking. After some time had passed they came into our bedroom and Ashley said she had something to show me. Fearing the worst I sleepily and cautiously walked into the game room. What I saw turned out to be beyond my wildest imagination - they had cleaned everything up!! That is right, you read it correctly, my 5 year old and 2 year old had cleaned up all the mess I had left the night before. Toys, shoes, books, towels, blankets, bowls you name it and it had been out. Ashley said she walked down and said "What a mess!!" and decided to clean. Now don't be getting grandiose thoughts that this child likes to clean. This is the same diva that acts as though her back is breaking when I ask her to pick up one little Barbie on a normal night. This is the same child who complains that her feet hurt when she is picking up toys. And don't even get me started about Landen. He is not one to be convinced to do anything. Yet they both picked everything up all by themselves with absolutely no direction from me. I think this will be enough to keep me going for a couple more days.

Where do I start???

So a little time has passed since I last wrote....all right.... A LOT of time. I think it is pretty obvious my plate was a little full. We had J's eye blindness thing, little A starting Kinder and me starting my new job - all within a couple of weeks might I add. Throw in a short weekend trip to Midland and a weekend conference in there and you have one crazy person. Trust me you did not want me to be writing, it would not have been an enjoyable experience for anyone involved. Now onto the business at hand, where do I start????

First and most importantly I want to thank everyone who gave us their thoughts, prayers and support during J's eye thing. He does have his eyesight back for the most part and is now driving and back in school. At one point things were really bad and they had to give him an injection right into his eyeball. Not pleasant, but it helped him hold onto his sight. He is also on serious blood thinners. We still do not have any kind of diagnosis as to what is causing the eye bleeding. They could happen again and he does continue to have episodes. We just have to pray that the blood thinners will work and the doctors find what is going on. In the meantime, we decided it was best for him to continue with school, despite the risk. With the possibility of this happening again with permanent damage it does make him nervous about what specialty to go into to, but I told him no one knows what is going to happen in the future, so he needs to just continue with whatever he wants to do. We will deal with things as they come.

The moral of all this is prayers do work, so THANK YOU to everyone who put in a special call to up above for us. We had lots of people and even several entire churches praying for us from all sorts of places. Just knowing this gave us the strength to deal with the extreme stress we were under. One friend in particular I would like to thank is my wonderful neighbor Amanda. She called and emailed constantly to hear updates and just be there for me to talk to. She brought us goodies a couple of times and just repeatedly offered her help. I know I wasn't always the most reciprocating friend back during the last month but she kept on being there despite that fact, so thank you! I also want to give a huge thank to my wonderful BFF Darby. She also was truly there for me and even offered to fly out here to be with me. It wasn't a meaningless offer, I know she would have been on the next plane out here if I had agreed. I also want to give a special thank you to our friends GJ and Michelle. GJ came and spent a day with J while he was recovering. I know what a big sacrifice this is to give up an entire weekend day away from your family, but it helped J so much. There were also lots of other friends who offered dinner or just offered their help. Again, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!! My gratitude is forever yours.

Along with J's blindness issue, the time arrived for my baby girl to start kindergarten. It was not pretty. She had an extremely rough adjustment. After the first week, parents were no longer allowed to walk the kids into the building to their classrooms. A did not take well to this and would be kicking and screaming. The principal would have to come and pry her off of me and drag her down the hall. One particular day the counselor even came out to meet us because it had gotten so bad. It was heart wrenching. This was the same time as the eye thing too so I was just on the brink of losing it. Finally, one day I had her walk in with a friend we have known for awhile and ever since then she has been fine. I even drop her off in the car pool lane now, which is the best thing ever. She is also doing incredible in school. She has made lots of friends and loves it. I also don't know if I have mentioned it before but she is reading now, like really reading. Not memorizing or kind of reading some simple words, the girl can read. It is so incredibly awesome to see her mature like this. We are still getting over a couple of hurdles like her character phobia and dislike of P.E. but it is just amazing how quickly she is changing.

I also started school. My preschool class consists of 11, 4 to 5 year olds. We call ourselves the tigers. Fortunately for me I totally lucked out and got a class mainly of girls - HALLELUJAH to that!!! Not that I have anything against boys, I have one of my own and love him dearly, but a preschool class of boys is kind of like a roller coaster on steroids and I was dreading the possibility of experiencing that kind of ride. My co-teacher did not get so lucky and got a lot of boys in her class and you can tell a huge difference. So perhaps God knew I needed an easier class to deal with since I had so much other stuff going on. They are very sweet and cute kids (except for a couple), so it has been going well. I am just exhausted and I am starting to remember why I haven't worked in a long time. Of course every other Friday my housekeeper Beatriz reminds me, as I am greeted by a clean house courtesy of her and not me.

I can't have an update post and not include my little wild man. He continues to be wild and perhaps even wilder. He is doing incredible at school but is still have some problems adjusting to me working. The hardest part is the sleep. He is napping at school but not for as long at home and he gets up with us at 6:30, so he is exhausted and it has been showing. One really great thing is his potty training. I had taken a break for awhile with everything else going on, but started up again this past week and he is getting it!! We have had lots of success with very few accidents at home, poopy in the potty several times and even consistently going at school with only one accident there all week. I still have him wearing pull-ups when we go out because I am not ready for the hassle but he is even staying dry doing that. I love it. Of course now that I have typed this, he will probably regress to a newborn stage, but at least I can claim one week of success for now.

I have covered the blindness thing, Little A's kinder start, my preschool start and Landen's bodily functions. What more you could you ask for in a post? Well, I have barely scratched the surface my friends. And don't worry mom I haven't forgotten your special birthday post. Trust me you will get one. It is a tad late but then again I think you are used to waiting on me, as are everyone else that reads this blog. Thanks for sticking around, I am officially back....I think.

Prayers

I have been seriously MIA from my blog lately. Unfortunately, today's post does not bring a lot of good news. J and I are normally very private about the challenges we face. We have tended to deal with things on our own and not take a lot of help, but right now I am changing that unofficial policy. J is dealing with some serious "grown-up" kind of health issues. I can't go into a lot of details because it is complicated but it has to do with his eyes, blood disorders and a possible immune disorder. He is slowly losing eyesight (that he won't ever get back) due to hemorrhaging in his eyes and having lots of other complications. If we don't figure out what is going on, the loss of eyesight could continue and could lead to even other bad things.

After two weeks of endless tests and doctors, there is still no diagnosis. It is very frustrating because we feel as though each day brings the possibility of his eyesight going completely, or something worse if nothing is done. There is some good news amidst all of this. With J being in medical school he has access to the best doctors and has connections to make things happen a lot faster. All of the doctors he has seen are all working together and have taken a personal interest in his case. Even a doctor who is just a friend's dad has done a lot to help him. He also has not lost all of his eyesight, so if things would just stabilize he could still continue school and do everything like before.

The last bit of good news is the amount of support we are starting to receive as friends and family hear about it. I will be honest in saying we have been under a tremendous amount of stress and worry and just knowing that other people are praying for us and thinking about us makes us feel better. People have offered to watch our kids, cook us dinner and of course pray for us. We are lucky in the fact that J's parents live close by and can help, but just knowing we have people to turn to if the need arises lifts our worries a tiny bit. The most important thing is the prayer. I almost feel embarrassed in asking people to pray for us, but in this case I don't care. We need your prayers.

Needless to say, my mind is not exactly on my blog lately. This health thing has come just at the right time of me starting my new job and Little A starting Kindergarten, so my mind is on overload at the moment. Therefore, my blog posts will most likely not be very frequent until we can get things sorted out. Hopefully good news will come soon.......

D Day

The moment I have been dreading for quite some time is inching closer. In two weeks, my sweet, little baby will be forced to fend for herself in the real world. No longer will I be able to protect her from the wolves that are lurking out there waiting to strip her of her innocence. She will be expected to battle bullies and just say no to drugs. That's right it is time for kindergarten.

I don't know what happened to these past 5 years. Was it not just last week I was in the hospital with contractions??? It is hard for me to put into words what I am feeling right now but I think the biggest emotion is simply depression. The big D. I said it and it is out there. We have all heard of post-partum depression but no one tells you about pre-kinder depression. Well, I have it. I have been thinking long and hard about why this transition is so difficult and I think I have come up with a couple of answers.

1. Little A is so sweet and sensitive and I won't be around to protect her. I never want her to experience any kind of pain and I remember the hard things you have to go through.

2. Our lazy days of laying around in our pjs are numbered, not to mention we can't just pick up and go to the mall in the middle of the week.

3. School work is scary. What if I don't understand it anymore?

4. The term "soccer mom" will soon fit me to a tee as I shuttle her from her various activities. Have you seen the gas prices??

5. We no longer can vacation during the off-season. We are now officially on season travelers and must travel at the same times all the other families do.

6. I am not in control of things. It isn't just me teaching her ABC's. To get things done I will have to battle teachers, principals and school boards.

And number 7 and probably the most important.....
It means I am getting old.

I am only 31 but that isn't the point. I am old enough to have a child in kindergarten and that is a scary thought. I feel as though these last 5 years have just passed by in a blur. Let's be honest the first three years are not easy, so just as I was rounding a corner when Ashley turned three I brought home another bundle of joy and started the cycle over again. Bottom line, 5 years of my life is gone. I have tried to savor the "little moments" like all the books say but it has been hard and now I am out of time. My life is flashing forward and I can't stop it.

I remember when I was a kid and my mom seemed so ancient to me when I started kindergarten and she was ONLY 27!!! I am 5 years older than her (soon to be 32, don't bring it up again). I can only imagine the fossil state I must be in to my kids. Lines are forming on my face, my memory is gone, my metabolism has slowed down and I had to pluck a gray hair not long ago. I firmly believe that once you hit 31 that is when things start going downhill. After all back in like the 1200's people only lived to be 35. I have three more years left before I defy the life expectancy of a medieval person. What I am coming to!!!

Am I selfish to feel this way? After all I should be happy. I have a smart, beautiful daughter who is ready to start school and begin a new, exciting phase. I am happy about all that but you know what? I am selfish and that is ok. I would like to end this post with some miracle revelation that everything is going to be ok, and by the way I know it will be, but until I get past these next few weeks of adjustment I choose to remain in denial and depression and that is ok too.

Childhood Dreams

I love hearing little kids tell what they want to be when they grow up. When I was a kid I wanted to be a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader, a soap opera actress and a waitress. I used to practice my waitress skills on my parents' friends. I had a special little apron and note pad that I used for my orders. After dutifully delivering food and drinks, I would sometimes receive some coins as tips. Now that I think about it, this might qualify as possible child labor law abuse.

Ashley has her own big dreams and I never want her to forget what they are. For about a year she has been telling us she wants to be an ice cream girl and a fruit stand owner. Where she got these ideas I have no idea. At least she is all about building a family business. She has told us we can all help her at her ice cream store and fruit stand. She now has a new dream, one that suits her very well. The ice cream and fruit selling still stand but in her free time she wants to be a "weather girl." This is right up her alley because each morning she will come and tell us what the weather is and what the forecast is for the day. Tonight a possible big storm was coming and she was all a flutter with excitement. She ran around the house with updates every second of the storm. Unfortunately for our drying landscape, the storm was short lived and Ashley was very disappointed. I am glad she has her life figured out, I think I am still trying to decide what I want to be when I grow up.

In Other News.....

My kids reached two very important milestones today. These milestones will have no interest for most of my readers but I have to record them because I won't remember them otherwise.

Ashley's Big Moment: I have written before how Ashley hates swim lessons because she hates putting her face in the water. This has not changed. She continues to scream and cry when the teacher forces her under. I told her today that if she went under water at today's lesson and her last lesson tomorrow, she could have whatever reward she wanted. She thought about it for a moment and quickly decided on a "Family Mexican Party." Yes, those were her exact words. So, I agreed. At lessons she continued to scream about it but finally at the end of the lesson she stood on the edge of the pool and jumped all the way in and under the water. It was truly amazing for her to be that brave. I guess a Fiesta is in order around here. Someone call the Mariachi band! I am not sure what her idea of a Mexican party is, but I do know mommy margaritas and Mexican parties go hand and hand, so Arriba!

Landen's Big Moment: I have been pseudo-potty training the little man this week. By pseudo I mean not really trying too hard. I know he is probably not ready and still a little young (barely over 2) but I thought I would at least get some basics in before I start teaching in a few weeks. He already knows how to do his #1 business when he wants to but #2 business needed a lot of work. He would freak out anytime I would mention doing #2 on the potty. Tonight after bath he announced that a BM was in the works so J put him on the potty and he actually went!! I swear miracles do happen people. Don't get me wrong, this boy is nowhere near potty trained but at least I have a good start. I never thought anything potty related would ever excite me. Life is funny that way.

One last thing......

My favorite song this week is Mercy by Duffy. For those of you smart people who watch So You Think You Can Dance, Twitch and Katee danced an incredible number to this song last week.

A Little Behind..

I have always been a little behind on stuff that is cutting edge. I remember when email came out I really hesitated to start using it. I felt like nothing could replace a good phone call or a letter. How silly I was!! Then of course TiVo was my sworn enemy for a long time. I had my VCR and felt anything else would just mess my shows up. Now, my life would be ruined if I didn't have my TiVo. And don't even get me started about cell phones. It nearly took an intervention to convince me to change over to a Blackjack. I think my problem boils down to the fact that I like things to be tried and true before I introduce them to my life. I don't like a lot of change, so if something new enters my circle, it better be darn good to stay awhile.

The newest thing to take hold of my life is something not so new. A couple of years ago I remember J telling me about a new kind of MySpace thing called Facebook. I laughed and made fun of him for using something that clearly was for teenagers. Fast forward to this week and now everyone can make fun of me because I am officially addicted. My fellow blogger and friend, Michelle, innocently asked me to be her friend on her page. Now, I am a rabid friend seeker hoping to find as many people as I know. Just in a few days I have already connected with people I haven't seen in many years. I love knowing how everyone is doing and the best part is the sense of power I feel with each touch of the button. "Do you confirm or deny John Doe's friendship?" The computer asks me. Well let's see....John Doe was not very nice to me in high school...I think I will DENY! DENY! DENY! If only I had the luxury of doing that before and my life would have been perfect.

So what is the moral of my story you may ask. Who cares about Facebook? You, that's who. You need to get on and become my friend right away. I am not saying I will confirm you but I will say that you will no doubt become addicted like me. Furthermore, don't be like me and push aside new things just because they are new. For so many years I have missed out on things because I have been to slow to accept new additions to my life. I will never forget how many years ago everyone talked and talked about that hit sitcom Everybody Loves Raymond. Tons of people told me I would love it, but I declined to watch it. Then it became syndicated. Ok that was my sign that it was for sure a good show. I finally watched it and I did love it. I had missed out on all those years of laughter. Don't be like me. Get on Facebook right now, join, then the first thing you need to do is ask to be my friend!

A Special Happy Birthday

Tomorrow would have been my dad's 59th birthday. I had mentioned once before that I would like to share more about him as a person and I thought it would be a good time to do that. I am writing this a day early because I know I will not have time to do it tomorrow and I don't want to let it go.

Awhile back I was going through some books I have and found a scribbled copy of the eulogy I did for my dad at his funeral. The handwriting is hard to read and not always in complete thoughts. After reading it again I realized I wanted to have a better written copy. It took a lot for me to get up and share my thoughts on him in the middle of a stressful time and I don't want to lose what it was I said. It might not translate very well to the written word, but hopefully it will give you an idea of who my father was to me. Happy Birthday dad.

Here it is, my eulogy to my father. Originally spoken on January 28th, 2002. For those that were there, it may vary slightly due to my nerves at the funeral, but this is how it was originally written.


"As I was going through some of my dad's things this weekend I discovered something I had never known. Inside a folder were several ribbons that were dated 1958. They were from a District 118 UIL meet, which was when my dad lived in Barstow, TX. I had never seen these ribbons before so I started reading the back to find out what my dad had won them for. There were the standard events - 1st place for Boys Track, 2nd place for Boys Doubles, Placed in Boys Singles...Then one particularly struck me. First Place in Storytelling. Now mind you my dad was only 9 years old in 1958 and he was already the best storyteller in Barstow, TX. Now any of you who knew my dad can certainly bet he was still the best storyteller you knew! One "story" he had me believing for many years was his lack of friends. When I would ask him about his friends, he would jokingly tell me - "friends? no one likes me, I run them off!" As I look around the room today, it just confirms he was once again practicing his storytelling for the love and support all of you shown far surpasses anything I could ever have imagined. Nothing was more important to my dad than friends and family so having everyone here means everything to me.

After talking with many people these last few days I understand everyone knew how much my dad loved me and how important I was to him, but not many of you know how I felt about him. If everyone had as much love and support as I received from my father, this world would be a perfect place. There was never a minute that went by that I did not feel his love. It was this love and devotion to me that pushed me to excel in life. Everything I did in my life was done to make him proud. Every grade I got, every activity - I did it for him. I did it because I knew how much my dad wanted me to succeed and I never wanted to let him down. He always had full confidence in my abilities and that confidence kept me going.

My dad made me what I am today. He always pushed me to be independent and strong-minded, even though these very traits were often used against him. I will never forget when we bought our house and I argued that I should have the master bedroom instead of him. Of course I didn't get the bedroom in the end, but he actually considered my arguments. Many a heated discussions went this way. He always let me vocalize my opinions and would disagree with me, even if he secretly agreed, just to give me that push to be confident in my thoughts and words. Many were shocked at the way we would be banter but my dad thrived on getting me all "riled" up as he used to say because he knew he was encouraging me to be a stronger woman. Even in little things he allowed me to make decisions that would later give me a strong foundation. If you saw us at the grocery store you would probably have laughed to see me, even at age 10, pushing my own cart around. He would give me a budget for groceries and I could buy whatever I wanted. Of course at that age, my cart would be filled with tubs of icing, marshmallow cream, Dr. pepper and candy bars. He never said a word but would just let me buy them and then realize later how silly I was when I was hungry for a "real snack." He granted me the opportunity to make real decisions and have a real voice and that has carried me my entire life.

I also admire the way my single father gave up every Friday and Saturday night just so he could take me to play mini golf or rent a movie. We loved to play mini golf together. I didn't know it at the time but my dad, a good golfer, would let me win most of the time which at the time made me feel like I was the best golfer in the world. He always knew how to make me feel important.

I am thankful to a man who sacrificed personal luxury so his daughter could go to college, or who was adamant about living in the same town my entire life so I could get a good education and have a stable environment. As a child he moved around a lot because his father was in the oil business. He felt that this made him less successful in school, so he wanted me to have every advantage there was despite other job offers that might have been more interesting to him. On the day I graduated from A&M, I had a special diploma made with both our names on it to show that it wasn't just me that earned a degree but it was both of us. My dad, who never graduated from college, beamed with pride when he saw it and I will always consider my dad a Fightin' Texas Aggie.

Finally, I am inspired by the role model my dad was. He had a love of life that I will never forget. This was displayed by his incredible sense of humor and ability to make any situation more fun. I remember when I pulled out of the driveway to go to college, the last words he said to me were "Don't let college get in the way of life." He knew how I tend to work too hard and he wanted me to focus on what was really important; not the academics, but the life. I carry these words with me today. He also carried his love of life into his hobbies and made the most of his free time. At 52 he was still playing racquetball twice a week, playing golf all the time and had even participated in the MS 150 mile bike marathon. I also don't want to forget all the work he did for Habitat for Humanity. He enjoyed Habitat because he actually got to do the work himself and not just write a check. All of these traits are what made my dad such a role model to me and inspired me to be a better person.

There is no doubt my love for my dad was as great as his was for me. Which is why these past few days the only question I can think to ask is "why?" Why did this happen? Why is it a man who is in better shape than his 25 year old daughter die? Why will my dad not be there to walk me down the aisle in 4 short weeks? This is probably the hardest one for me. My dad was so excited about the wedding. He would call and ask me about the details constantly. When the RSVP's started coming in, he diligently placed them in a box, recorded each name and would call me with excitement at news more people were coming. I looked forward to the actual wedding day when the man who supported me all these years would walk me down that aisle and give my hand to Jessie. So I really can't understand why he would have left before. The pain is almost unbearable. I feel lost without the main person who has guided me my entire life.

Despite the sadness there are times I am gaining a new sense of perspective and comfort. The other night after everyone had left, I had a chance to really stop and feel everything. I then saw what my dad had in his life when he left us. He was the happiest I had ever seen him. For years I prayed for him to find a person he could share his life with and when my prayer was answered with Cynthia I could never have imagined someone more perfect for him. My dad was also in the best shape he had ever been. Finally, he knew I was taken care of and truly happy with Jessie. He was on top of the world and would never have wanted to come down from that.

A special friend of my dad's shared something with me. A few weeks ago her and my dad were talking about me and the wedding. She said my dad finally came to the consensus that his job in raising me was finally done. I was officially grown up. Maybe this is true in many ways. My dad had touched so many lives and brought happiness to so many people. Maybe it was just time for his job to be done here so he could go on to his next one - a better job in a better place. For my dad I think that place includes one amazing golf course where he can play with all his friends and family who are already there and who will be there to come."

The Results Are In....

As I have mentioned before, J took his mega, huge, gigantic Board Exam a few weeks ago. This test is probably the most important exam he will take as a doctor. Of course, he will have to pass other Boards later but he just has to pass those, the exact score of this test is what makes it so important. If a person does really, really well on this exam, called Step 1 to the doctor types, then they can basically have their choice of specialty and residency program. If they do bad, then they will have a difficult time. Since J wants to do a very competitive specialty like Orthopedic Surgery, ENT or Dermatology, he needed a good score.

After J completed the exam he was not happy. Apparently he had misjudged the number of sections and thought he was running out of time during the test. This made him feel like he didn't do as well as he hoped. He has been super down about it and I have been trying to stay positive but secretly was very nervous. After all this test pretty much determines our future and I didn't want all his hard work to disappoint him.

We knew the results would be ready at 11:00 pm our time on Tuesday night and J thought he did so awful he was just going to go to bed instead of see the score; however, enticed by an episode of "Rock the Reception" he managed to stay up. At 11:01 I ran to get J and tell him it was time. I was a nervous wreck. J logged on to the site but of course it took forever since everyone else was logging in at the same time. Finally, he announced he was in. I took my place behind him and peered over his shoulder. The score sheet appeared on the screen with the word "Pass" on it. Whew!! At least he passed. Slowly he scrolled down to reveal his actual score.......and it was PHENOMENAL!!!!! He scored in the top 1% of the nation!!!! We just stared at the computer in disbelief, then erupted in cheers. We both jumped up and down and hugged, shrieking like little girls the entire time (sorry J, but there is no shame in that!)

So, now here we are, much like a time 3 years ago when the sky is basically the limit for J and his medical career. What will he do? Where will we go??? I don't have the answers yet, we are still in discussions. What I do know is I am extremely proud of J and his amazing accomplishment. He worked so hard and it shows how this path is without a doubt the right path for him.

Going Crazy

J has survived his first couple of weeks on his Psychiatry rotation. Psych is a less intense rotation as far as hours go but is still pretty intense on the type of patient you see. His official diagnosis - there are a lot of crazy people in this world. This is perhaps the most evident in the ER where psych patients are brought in by the police and held in a private, enclosed room. Personally, I would find that way more scary than jail, but that is just me.

When J started his rotations he had to undergo a self-defense lesson and was told not to wear a tie as it could present a safety risk for him. I had never really thought about these scenarios before. As an official member of the Nervous Nelly club, I was more than just a little nervous. This was especially true on the night he took his first overnight shift at the ER. The shift lasted from midnight until 8 am the next morning. The hospital is in a very dangerous neighborhood and the clientele fits the area. I didn't sign up for this "pseudo-policeman's wife" bit. Fortunately, on this night J did not have to practice any extreme martial arts.

I can't reveal too much about individual patients but I have heard some snippets of what many would consider the standard psychiatric patient - stuffed animal companions thought to be real, extreme cat lovers, prosthetic limbs being literally thrown in anger, and of course the usual person who believes they are being contacted by "aliens" in the form of code. Just your boring day in the psych ward. In fact, his duties are much like mine at home. After his all-nighter, J informed me that his night mostly consisted of him making sure his patients were still alive, breathing and not causing any harm to others. Hmmm......sounds a lot like what I do around here.

I think the most surprising thing about this gig is that J is becoming more sympathetic towards people with these afflictions. He is realizing that for the people who are truly ill, they do not choose being the way they are and just want help. He has taken an special liking to a couple of patients and wants to help them so much, but is very limited in what he can do. I think the hardest part is becoming so involved in these patients' lives. J has to talk to family members who beg for their relative to get better, but there are no guaranteed solutions. Of course that is medicine in general. Doctors can try everything possible but at the end of the day it is really up to a higher power what happens.

On a lighter note, J wanted me to be sure and make a notation of today's date. Apparently while I took little A to see the American Girl movie today, an important event took place. J informed me that today, July 13th, 2008 marks the official beginning of Landen's sports training. Last night while we had some of our favorite, close friends over, the men decided to film their golf swings. They were on the side of the house but little man caught a glimpse of them and ran over to me, "Mommy, where is my golf club?" I pointed it out to him and he ran over to join the rest of the golf nerds to swing away. J has never been more proud, hence the official training period has begun. So, take note ESPN and Sports Illustrated, our future pro is now in the game.

New Chapter, New Title

Many of you may remember me mentioning a slight change in my blog. For those who are really on top of it, you will notice that I now have a brand new title. If you have been reading you know I have an obsession with titles. So, I went and changed my title to fit the new phase of our life we are starting. Don't worry we are still filled with lots of Bon Bons and Boo Boos, but times change and I want to change with them. What can you expect? I have no idea.

I will never forget that orientation day 2 years ago when J and I walked through the med school doors. For me, I was taken back to my first days at A&M. You know the feeling... the butterflies of excitement, the feeling of a fresh start and the confusion of not knowing what the heck to do. It was the same way this day. Being a sucker for schedules and meetings, I was having a blast. There was also lots of cookies and snacks, I just knew this place was going to be great.

It soon came time for a special "significant others" session. Since I considered myself one of those, I decided to go. In this group we were going to learn all about what to expect the next four years. A very pleasant looking lady, who we can call Dr. Jekyll, explained that the first two years are all pure academics. Our students would be learning the basics of medicine. We should support them in their studies and encourage them at all times. Seemed simple enough to me. Then it was time for third year. A hush fell over the crowd. Dr. Jekyll suddenly turned into Mrs. Hyde. As she turned to face us, I was reminded of that scene in "The Wizard of OZ" when the bad witch is flying on her broom cackling as loud as can be.

"Third Year is not like the first two..." [Mrs. Hyde cackles while the theme to Jaws echoes in the background.]

"Third year will be the true test of your student and your relationship. All rules are off"

**Excuse me? What happened to the cookies and snacks and hugs we were getting earlier??

"Just know that if you depend on your student for any kind of support, you just need to get over that and learn how to do everything by yourself because that is how it will be during third year. Just prepare yourself now." [This was followed by lots of loud cackling and I believe a broomstick flying off into the recreation center. But don't quote me on that.]

What a welcome! I would have dismissed this Jekyll and Hyde woman but the horror stories continued. Other wives told me tales of never seeing their husbands and the enormous stress. All the literature they gave us had the facts printed in black and white: The insane hours, the tests, and the pressure. Even my OB/GYN who graduated from J's school, reaffirmed what I had been hearing. Bottom line - I needed to get ready.

So, here we are. The dreaded third year has begun. J started a week ago. Up until this point I have not talked very much about J's school and our life in dealing with his studies for a couple of reasons. First, like I wrote, the first two years are filled with book learning. There were some interesting stories but basically it would not have been very exciting for me to write about J reading his biochem book for the millionth time.

The other reason it has not been a huge focus in my writing is for more selfish, personal reasons. Many of you know what it feels like to lose your identity after having kids. You are no longer an unique individual but belong to someone else. For example, no matter what I do I am labeled Ashley and Landen's mom. With Jessie's school it just takes my identity one step even lower. I can't even tell you how many times in conversations I have been asked about his school but not one question about me. Here is often how it goes:

Anonymous Person: "Hi, how your kids?"
Lost Identity Jennifer: "Good, they are just growing every day."
Anonymous Person: "What about J's school, how long does he have left? what specialty does he want to go into? how does he like it? tell me ALL about it!"
Lost Identity Jennifer: Usual standard answers.
Anonymous Person: "Ok bye"

As you see I got a mention as a mom and as someone's wife. Nothing that screams Jenn in there. Silly? Of course it is. Is what I do very interesting? Nope. I realize staying at home is not as exciting as cutting open dead bodies and saving lives. I do realize that supporting J is an important part of my life and I should embrace it. After all it is interesting. It is not everyday that someone quits their stable, cushy job of 8 years to attend med school with a wife and two kids in tow. Third year will make all of that even more interesting and I think writing about it will not only interest a lot of people but also give a nice little record of the crazy things J will get to experience. Let's not forget I will also be starting a new chapter as I embark on my year of teaching four year olds at the kids' school, hence my preschool life as a third year wife.

So, what does this year have in store? Third year consists of about 8 rotations in different clinical specialties; Psychiatry, OB/GYN, Family Practice, Internal Medicine, Surgery, Surgical sub-specialty, Neurology and Pediatrics. Each rotation lasts from 4-8 weeks and varies on the intensity of hours and stress. Right now, J is in Psychiatry, which brings lots of interesting things. As the weeks pass, I will share some of his interesting experiences (without violating any privacy laws of course!) I will also share some of my thoughts on his rotations including my feelings on my hubby doing pelvic exams. How many of you out there can relate to that????? Once my job starts in August, I am sure I will also have some interesting tales of four year olds. Let's not forget the most important figures in all of this, my very own special little ones. Ashley and Landen will still get front and center attention. It's still me and I will still be writing about me, I am just in a new chapter, I can't wait to see how it will end.

Happy Birthday Sweet Baby Girl!

It was on fourth of July 5 years ago that our very own 8 lb 1 oz firecracker entered this world. At 6: 20 am on July 4, 2003 Ashley Rose changed our lives forever.

Finding out I was pregnant with Ashley was a surprise, ok I will admit it, a major shocker. I think I took about 10 pregnancy tests to confirm. The doctor was a little surprised too considering he had just told us a few weeks before that we would most likely have to undergo fertility treatments when the time came for us to have kids. Of course when he told me this, kids were the last thing on my mind.

J and I had only been married for 7 months and it had been somewhat of a hard year. After all it is not every year you buy a new house, remodel the house, lose your job, lose your father, get married and start a new job all within a few months. I guess you could say I was at my limit as far as stress went and a baby was not on my agenda. I couldn't even take care of a dog. J had given me a puppy after we got married and I was so stressed with everything going on in my life, I simply couldn't handle taking care of it. My mom took the dog and luckily Buckley is still living happily ever after with her and my stepfather. Even in my frazzled state of mind I knew I couldn't give my baby to my mother to take care of. I had no idea what I was going to do.

My pregnancy was not fun either. I was desperately sick with 24 hour vomiting and nausea. At work I would go and lay on the cold bathroom tile just to get some relief. The vomiting and nausea was followed by gestational diabetes. This was almost worse than the sickness. Telling a pregnant lady she can't have sweets is like telling a bee they can't have honey. I just knew that since I had a hard pregnancy I would have an easy labor and delivery - WRONG! That was awful too. I ended up pushing for three hours and the epidural didn't work very well for most of that pushing. Then, she was here. It was as though everything suddenly disappeared. Nothing mattered. Not the stress, or the sickness or the all the pain. Nothing mattered except her. It was as though I had been living in a coma all years leading up to this very moment just waiting to meet her and start living.

It turns out Ashley was an amazing baby and that was my reward for all the hardships of pregnancy and labor. She was an incredible sleeper (she slept from 9 pm until 7 am at 3 weeks), a good eater, hardly cried and the most beautiful creature I had ever seen. Even to this day she is an amazing little girl. When I look at her I just feel so blessed to have had the opportunity to have her in my life and know what love really is. I look back on the timing of her arrival and I realize now that it is really the decisions that are made for us that truly shape our lives. I never would have chosen that exact time in my life to have kids but I now realize I needed Ashley to save me. She opened my heart and world up in a way no one else could have done at that time.

As if this post isn't long enough, here are some special things about Ashley that I want to remember as she reaches this important 5 year milestone:

• When you ask her what she wants to be when she grows up she replies, "An ice cream girl and a vegetable grower."
• She is as "girly" as they come. She loves anything to do with baby dolls, dresses, pink, princesses, dancing and make-up. My early brain-washing obviously worked.
• She has always loved to read. Her favorite books are the Tinkerbell fairy chapter books. We read a chapter a night.
• She is obsessed with fairies, especially Tinkerbell. When she lost her first tooth a couple of months ago, she wrote a letter to the tooth fairy wishing that she could fly. When that didn't happen she was very upset. When she lost this last tooth, she wrote another letter asking why her wish didn't come true.
• She is a wonderful big sister. She is so sweet to Landen and has always helped take care of him. Now, they are super close and adore each other.
• When you ask her what her favorite restuarants are she will say "BBQ" and "Jason's Deli."
• Her favorite movie is "Annie." She knows all the songs.
• She knows the name of every major retail store and restaurant we pass. When we drive she will tell me the name of all them so I will hear such things as "Red Lobster! Subway! Kohls! Best Buy!" shouted in the back seat.
• She is quite an artist. Her pictures are very good and she will draw for hours.

I could go on and on, but bottom line - she is officially her own little person with her own little attitude and I love it. Recently, she has been telling me, "I don't want to get any bigger, I want to stay this size forever." I wish the same thing.

Rites of Passage

During my long blogging absence, Ashley "graduated" from preschool. It was very cute. For about a week afterwards she kept requesting special favors and treats by saying "I'm the graduate girl." Here she is receiving her diploma and medal. I didn't really understand the sunglasses but they turned out to be handy when J needed an extra pair in the car the other day.

One of the best things about the night was the rare decent family photo we got.