"And the Mother of the Year Award goes to........."

We are barely out of January and I can already claim the title. A week and a half ago I was in the laundry room and the kids were sitting outside of the door. They are always trying to get in the room and mess with stuff so I had shut the door to keep them out. As I opened the door to get out, Ashley was right in front of me and Landen was sitting to the left on the hinge side. I was trying to move Ashley out of my way and shut the door at the same time. Apparently, curiosity struck Landen and he stuck his right index finger in the crack of the door where the hinges are just as I slammed it shut.

I looked down and saw that Landen was just frozen and not making any sound. I was confused at first and quickly realized that his finger disappeared into the door. I panicked and flew open the door. I picked him up and rushed to find Jessie. As I got to Jessie he asked - "Is he bleeding?' I then looked down and saw that there was blood all over me and his finger was gushing. I almost passed out and literally fell apart. I started crying. Then, Landen realizing his pain started screaming too.

He screamed like he has never screamed before and we couldn't get the bleeding to stop. So, finally Jessie agreed we needed to take him to the ER. There we had to wait forever. Landen actually stopped crying and was really good at the hospital, until the stitches. His finger was broken and it was cut all the way to the bone. They had to take off his fingernail and do stitches. This required Landen to be put in a strait jacket and receive tons of painful shots in his hand while we all held him down. It was excruciating. The procedure lasted at least an hour. Landen was crying so hard you could see the blood vessals burst in his face. Finally, he just passed out in exhaustion.

Here we are a week and a half later and he got his stitches out today. It went much better this time around. He will have to wear his splint for a couple more weeks, but has really adjusted well considering it is his right hand. Of course he doesn't like it being messed with, so cleaning it has been a hassle. I know this was an accident but it kills me everyday to know I am the one that caused his pain. The list of my "mommy guilt" just gets longer by the day.